What I Learned About Grit from Watching My Mom Cross the Graduation Stage

The world is starting to wake up to the fact that women are powerful.

That we can lead organizations as well as families.

That we can be successful entrepreneurs and scholars.

And that we have the capacity to reach the highest levels in any field if only given the opportunity.

But I’ve always known that.

I first learned it in 1994, as I watched my mom cross the stage as a newly minted graduate of Tulane University’s Computer Information Systems program. I was young. It was an extra hot and muggy New Orleans day. But even at that age, I knew I was experiencing something significant.

Since then, I’ve had the privilege of seeing my mom build a successful academic career, leading major IT projects for Tuskegee University, Xavier, and most recently Kogi State University. I have had the honor of watching my mom develop a successful consulting business, receive her Masters in Education, and, late last year, my heart again welled up with pride as I watched my mom join an elite group of Ph.D. holders that includes less than 2% of the world’s population.

I know how much my mom worked and sacrificed to reach this summit, and reflecting on her journey has taught me a few things about the often curvy path to finding our own versions of success.

“There’s more than one path to the top of the mountain.”

For my mom, there was no straight and well-paved path to the momentous occasion.

As a woman,

as an immigrant,

as a married, working mother, my mom was not the typical computer programming student in ‘94 or, later, the typical doctoral student. But her perseverance and willingness to reach her goals on her terms left a lasting impression on me.

Even when she had to relocate to Nigeria a few years into her doctoral program, my mom chose to adapt instead of giving up. She transferred to a program at the University of Phoenix that incorporated in-class and distance learning to help her reach her goal.

If you have a pulse, it’s likely that you’ve taken more than a few detours and wrong turns. It is easy to look at the success of others, the milestones they seem to jump over with such ease, and question your own journey. But my mom constantly reminded me that every success story is dotted with their tales of running headfirst into roadblocks, stumbling blocks, and mental blocks.

No matter how twisted your path may be, it will be your unique path. The journey will make reaching the summit feel even sweeter.

“Be more afraid of not trying than failure.”

The crazy thing about purpose is that it never leaves us. It’s that scratching, gnawing, itching feeling that keeps pulling us into its orbits, often in spite of ourselves.

And it’s scary as hell.

In the same breath that clarity of vision comes, our marvelous, masterful mind simultaneously conjures up images of disaster and doom.

What if we fail? What if we can’t cut it? What if we’re not as ____ as we thought we were?

But the alternative is even scarier.

What if you leave this life never having shown the world your brilliance?

No one goes through the years of a doctorate program without wondering if they may be making the wrong decision — if they might lose steam before the finish line. The hurdles are guaranteed, but the alternative — never giving yourself the shot that could change everything — should be even more frightening.

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

When I was growing up, one popular African adage was practically canon in my house — “It takes a village to raise a child.” That meant that I counted hundreds of “aunties,” “uncles,” pretend cousins, and sister-friends in my inner circle… and that made all the difference.

They supported our family with meals when schedules got too busy, encouraging words, soft but firm scoldings, and so much more. I grew up watching the beauty of community and had the privilege of seeing that same community rally around my mom as she worked towards her doctorate.

Friends who were like family would call out of the blue to check up on her research, help her think through a particularly difficult course, edit the hundreds of pages of her dissertation, or show up to cheer her on. I saw that same community travel from all corners of the country to celebrate her graduation last year.

Her success was the tribe’s success and the tribe’s success has always been hers.

The secret is that you don’t have to be African to benefit from a tribe-mentality. You can cultivate community wherever you are.

You don’t have to be a doctoral student to work tirelessly towards your “crazy goal.”

You don’t have to have it all figured out to take the first step up the mountain.

And you don’t have to take the perfect path to be your kid’s hero. You just have to believe enough in yourself to give your dreams a shot.

Many people never live to see the impact that their lives have made in the lives of those they love. What are some lessons that you’ve learned from loved ones?